An Attempt to Give Something Away

"I will listen to what God will say;
surely the Lord will declare peace
to His people, His godly ones,
and not let them go back to foolish ways.
His salvation is very near those who fear Him,
so that glory may dwell in our land.

Faithful love and truth will join together;
righteousness and peace will embrace.
Truth will spring up from the earth,
and righteousness will look down from heaven."

Psalm 85:8-11


I'm going to try to communicate my thoughts on this.

Right now my brain is still in shock mode, trying to put everything in order. This is an attempt to do that, as well as to share an amazing verse.

I read this last night. Unfortunately it was too late then to write down my thoughts, and it's probably too late to be doing so now. My brain apparently does not go into writing mode until after midnight.

This verse struck me like only words from God can. I read it first cursorily, since I had to be getting to sleep. It sounded like any other Psalm, but then I read it again, and again, and again. Every other Psalm I had been reading recently was all about how God's wrath would be visited on the evil, and woe to those people! But now the songs are moving in a different direction, and while it is still one of power, it is more of beauty.

"I will listen to what God will say..."

I've been praying a lot recently about what I should do. There are so many decisions to be made right now, from which activity should I drop from my too-busy schedule, to what should next summer? I pray these things and I pray them often, as I know I should, but then what do I do? I go my way, about my busy day, and leave the questions hanging in the sky, hoping the wind will take them where they need to go. Maybe they get to God, in fact, I'm almost sure they do. The Bible says He hears us. Good. But as far as the wind bringing His answers back to me... It seems I have managed to convince myself over the years that it's really hard to hear what God has to say to me. Some people hear Him easily, I just don't. Have I convinced myself of this so thoroughly that I've stopped even trying to listen? I don't even bother to think beyond the prayer, I've even gone so far as to not expect any sort of quiet sign at all? I pray the questions because I know I should, but beyond that... well. That could use some fixing. Note to self: Ask, then listen, and keep listening. Because...

...God WILL say...something. It says it, in that verse right up there. I will listen to what He will say. What could it be? The Lord speaking to me? Answering me? Writing this is driving home just how foreign that concept is to me. I'm still looking at this passage and blinking while trying to close my gaping jaw. Could it be that even now He's smiling amusedly down at me and saying, see? I do speak to you...

"...surely the Lord will declare peace to His people, His godly ones..."

Ah, peace. Even now in this comfortable, air-conditioned room with all of my precious belongings about me, I'm thinking back to the hardships of this summer and looking at a time when I was at peace. Even if I was not at peace (and there were definitely those times) I could see it, shining, just a little ways away. Now in this place of convenience and ease I feel crushed. I'm amazed my ribs have not crumbled to dust under the weight of all of the worthy activity that rushes to and fro here in the real world. My head spins so fast I have no time to even look up at the sky or enjoy the wind scattering light through the leaves on the trees before they fall, and I especially have no time to look for the chinks in all this debris to find that faint glimmer that signifies rest for the soul, if not for the body.

Peace of mind. It's not what the world thinks it is, declares a poster in my room. God will declare peace... perhaps I should listen for that declaration. Perhaps I should set aside some of these chunks of rubble and quit trying to dig myself out for a change and just look to the One who's right beside me. Perhaps there's no perhaps about it.

Ah, peace.

"...and not let them go back to foolish ways."

My ways are so foolish! How many times today did I want beat myself silly or slit my own throat? How many times did I throttle myself inside my head and scream to me that I was doing it wrong! Idiot! Why couldn't you have just...why didn't you...why did you... I know these answers, but the voice in my head will not stop asking them, and I dare not silence it, for if I silenced it, I would have no reminders of just what it is I'm trying to avoid. Ouch...more debris. This looks like rebar, heading straight for my head, my heart, my hands, my eyes. Maybe I need a shield. Maybe the One standing next to me is holding one out. Maybe I need to turn and take it from Him. What if it's too heavy? Well, He's standing right there. What if He doesn't help? Maybe you should just stop asking questions and hoist that thing above your head, trusting that He'll do what needs to be done to get it there. Maybe there's no maybe about it. Maybe you're right.

"His salvation is very near those who fear Him..."

Don't worry! He is right here, begging to save you! He loves you! He has always loved you, He will always love you, and He has never stopped loving you! He wants to be near you and have you turn into His arms! Don't you want that too?

Well, yes. Yes I do.

"...so that glory may dwell in our land."

Here we come to a wonderful part. This is something that God opened my eyes to these past few months, and it's something I think He will keep reminding me of all my life. Everything is for His glory. Everything thing I do here, everything step I take on this campus and off of it, every small word I say to every person in passing... everything is for Him and His glory. We turn to Him so that His glory may spread. Can you see it spilling out all around? Though it may blind you, it is the most beautiful thing in all Creation! It makes people stop and look, even though they may not know what they are seeing. It makes them wonder what is happening here. What could be so amazing to cause such joy! And then it is our job to cry look! and point to the heavens and shout Jesus' name for all to hear. Glory dwells in this land. Look! See Him there, and there?

Here's what that land looks like.

"Faithful love and truth will join together...

...righteousness and peace will embrace...

...truth will spring up from the earth...

...and righteousness will look down from heaven..."

Can you see the light spilling out from behind all this rubble? Can you see that the debris no longer even matters, because nothing can withstand the light of His glory? It's far too beautiful for the mind's eye to comprehend. All that I can understand is that somewhere deep inside, the light is slowly beginning to creep through the dark empty spaces and whisper to me, be still and know...

I will finish with some song lyrics that lodged themselves in my head earlier today. They simply said that the way to handle that strange thing called love is to give it all away. This may seem unrelated to all of that above, but it helped me to sort of drive all of that into a channel. I'm often frustrated by the fact that once I'm done "being still" what do I do next? Take all the love, all the light, all the joy, and all the peace that God has given me and give it all away. After all, there's no need to ever worry about running out. A friend the other day scolded me (putting it lightly) for giving him too much praise for something instead of giving to God, the rightful recipient. The instance reminded me yet again of where our ultimate focus is to be.

I cried out the other day to God to help me, as I felt overwhelmed. He answered me, and here's how I interpret His answer. Look upon the world in turmoil, see how it assails you. Then turn your face to God and open up your arms to receive all of His blessings, His love, His joy, His peace... Spread these to others, spread them far and wide, and then when all you are left with is the shimmering residue from such things, commonly known as glory, turn around and throw it high, straight back to Him.

Whatever you get, the thing to do is give it all away.